Y’know I’m just looking back a bit and I just.

My entire life on my dad’s side has just been?? that I should be seen and not heard. Like whenever I’d cry, I’d get told to stop. I wasn’t allowed to be upset?? And like I should be doing things with HIS approval instead of doing things for myself?

For example, I want to be an ECE. But time and time again my dad tells me that I should stop wasting my time with that and go to Social Working like I had thought I wanted a couple years ago.

And I’m ?? not allowed to speak out about things. Like HE knows what’s wrong with me or what’s best for me even though ?? he doesn’t at all??

My entire life has been controlled and that makes me so angry. No wonder I’m so incredibly anxious and emotional now. Bc he’s raised me with intimidation and control and that’s literally disgusting I hate the idea that men have to control others.

Eugh. Even now I can’t talk to him about anything. Bc even though I suspect myself of having mild depression, lots of social anxiety, and very mild paranoia he’ll STILL tell me to shut up bc there’s no way I could be that. So I can’t even go to a therapist or a psychiatrist to finalize what’s REALLY wrong with me. 

I hate my dad so much, and I don’t think anyone but my friends really understand that. He’s not even family to me. Family doesn’t treat other family like shit and erase everything and silence them.

Hell, I’m the one who figured out I had asthma and needed to see a doctor. Which was a good move bc my inhaler works like magic for me. Every other time my dad just said it was nothing and I needed to stop exaggerating. 

Surprise. My dad’s literal human trash and I want nothing to do with him when I move out but I know that’s too much to ask for since my mum will never divorce him. Which means if I want to stay in contact with my mum, my dad’s the shitty package deal.

I hope I never have kids to expose to him. They don’t need someone shitty like him in their lives.